ROAD TRIP!!

Today's the day that we head out for 2 weeks on the road!  For anyone following I wanted to give you a heads up that I don't know when/where I'll have internet so my posts may be sporadic and few and far between!
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That being said, let's talk about today!  The Reba concert was awesome, got home pretty late, slept in later than normal but then I GOT UP AND TOOK MY WALK!  My cousin told me that she wanted to leave early this morning but I told her I had to walk first! :)  Now if only I could be that bossy with myself when it comes to getting up and doing my resistance training.......
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A lot of people out this morning which is really nice to see!  Just gives it a greater sense of community around here.
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I added some distance to my walk this morning.  Found a route where I could take a different loop and make it longer.  Still took me the same amount of time though which means I'm getting faster!  I'm not real strict on timing myself.  I prefer to just find the pace that I can keep steady.  I can tell however that my pace is getting faster! :)
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Sorry no pictures today ~ gotta finish packing and loading up the camper!!

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To insure good health; eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and mantain an interest in life

-William Londen

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It's health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver - Mohandan Gandhi

Confession.......

Confession time...I didn't do my workout this morning :(  I was supposed to do my resistance training today.  I was up late packing for vacation, my mind was super busy so I didn't sleep well.....excuses, excuses, excuses!
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That shouldn't have stopped me but it did.  And I'll be going non-stop for the rest of the day and literally won't have 10 minutes to fit it in.  I know I'm not perfect and I knew this journey would not be perfect.  But that being said I'm still not happy with myself!  Everyday that I don't step up to my own plan is a day that sets me back and puts off my goal that much more.

But enough about my pity party!!  Tonight I'm going to see REBA McENTIRE!!

Then tomorrow as soon as we're ready my cousin and I are heading out on a 2-week road trip!  We are beyond excited!  We don't really have definate plans, just a loose route mapped out ~ we're gonna just go where the road takes us!!

We have plans to keep active on this trip so even though it won't be structured I know I'll be moving! :)
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Can't wait to come back and share all sorts of stories!
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The joys of walking walking walking...

Today's walk was amazing!  Ok, so maybe not the actual walk but my attitude :)  And I'm so glad that I started my day out this way because it gave me the right attitude for dealing with what followed....being literally run of the road on the way to work, one very cranky co-worker, electronic malfunctions.... but all that's a whole other story!
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I woke up twice in the night ready to go.  Silly me though - it was only 2:30 & 4:30! :)  But at 5 I was up and ready to go.  (I'll still admit to having that tiny struggle getting from prone to standing!)  It was barely light when I started out and a very cold wind was blowing.  It's a weird feeling having the wind bite your face while you're sweating!

Here's my mini hike!!  Haha!  Not really, just a small detour from the paved path.  I finally took it this morning.  There's bench at the top to sit and watch the golfers but I just kept on moving.  Plus there weren't any golfers out quite that early! :)
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I'm glad no one was close enough to see my face this morning.  As I was pushing up the hills I was just visualizing the day I'll be running up those hills and I'm sure I had quite the goofy smile on my face!  I've never worked so hard for anything before.  I'd given up long before this.  That's why it's so so important to set specific goals and lay out the steps that will help you reach them!  If I didn't have this goal of running I certainly wouldn't have any motivation to get out of bed.  Yes I want to lose weight.  Yes I want to be healthy.  But those are so vague and they don't give you any direction!  I know that one day I will run ~ but ONLY IF I'm willing to go through these different steps that I've laid out for myself.  That's what gets me out of bed!

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Someone posted the following on a friend's wall on Facebook:
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    "People always ask me what I did to get back into shape but once they hear what's
    required they come up with a ton of reasons why they can't do it. Still at the
    same time they say they want to be fit or healthy. I guess they want it like I
    want a pony. Sure it be fun to have but there is all that feeding, brushing,
    cleaning up after it. Who has the time! Not to mention the expense! I guess at the
    end of the day I really don't want a pony …"

That's what it used to be like for me.  I'd say I wanted it but obviously not really since I didn't do what was required to have it.  Now I'm working for it!  Some days are harder than others and I think it'd just be easier to stay in bed.  Then I think about how bad I want to run and that it's not going to come easy - but it will come if I do the work!

Abs

So today instead of my regular 10-Minute Trainer resistance training I did the 10-Minute Abs.  I got a good workout - I was definately feeling it - but an honest review would be that this workout is not geared towards beginners who don't have much core strength.
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I used it because I know I don't have much core strength and wanted to work on that.  But in order to do even the modified versions it took more that I had.  I have no doubt I can work up to them but it just felt awkward trying to do modified versions of the modified version!

I'm not giving up on it after just one test run.  I'll definately do it again but probably after adding some other ab moves to my regular routine until I have the basic strength it takes to do the modified version at a minimum.
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I leave on Saturday for my 2 week vacation and I'm getting nervous about my lack of structured routine.  My cousin has agreed to my emphatic decree that we be active on this trip but I know for myself I do so much better with structure!  And spending 4,000 miles in my truck will surely be a test for me!  I'm a travel snacker with the bad habit of mindlessly snacking to pass the miles!  Our plan is to stop and buy fruits & veggies for snacking.  I have a feeling that I'm going to be consuming a LOT of carrots on this trip...... :)

I seem to be pretty much out of my "funk" and am really looking forward to my walk in the morning!  I've been doing a lot of visualization lately and it's been an incredible help!  When I hit a tough stretch of road I just imagine myself running and it's amazing the burst of energy & motivation it give me!
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Tomorrow and Saturday will probably be my last outside walks for now since when I return it will most likely still be dark at 5 am.  So it'll be a move to the treadmill.  Not my favorite BUT I am excited to be starting the C25K program!



"You must see your goals cleary and specifically before you can set out for them.  Hold them in your mind until they become second nature" - Les Brown

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"See things as you would have them be instead of as they are" - Robert Collier

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"Make sure you visualize what you really want, and not what someone else wants for you" - Jerry Gillies

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"We are what we think" - Buddha



Starting Week 4: Don't Give Up

I woke up late today but still got up and went for my walk.  Missing one was bad enough and I knew I could make all the excuses in the world but I'd only feel miserable if I failed once again.  I was going to take a shorter route since I thought I'd be pressed for time but stuck to the longer route.  I didn't add any distance with this beginning of Week 4.  I didn't feel quite ready for that yet.  I clocked the route I'm taking now and it's 2 1/2 miles.

There was nothing exciting on my walk today.  No deer or skunks but I did see one bunny off in the distance.  Very few people out this morning so I had a lot of time with my thoughts!
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I was thinking about the hard work that comes before success.  On one hand I really didn't want to be out this morning, I would have rather stayed in bed for awhile.  On the other hand I was proud of myself for sticking to it and getting out there.  I realized that I've never worked hard enough before to realize any of my goals.  When the going gets hard, I'd give up.  I'd make up excuses and quit doing the things that would make my dreams a reality.

What hit me really hard this morning was that by quitting the steps that will lead me to success I was giving up on myself.  And by quitting I was saying that I wasn't worth it!  If I want to achieve my goal I have to work for it!  It's not going to come just because I want it.  I have to go out and WORK HARD for it!  It won't be all fun & games.  There will be times when I want to quit, when I want to give up.  But those are the times when I have to suck it up and push on.  So right now, my enthusiasm is lagging and in the past this is the time when I would just give up.  But not this time.  This time I pushed on.

When I was walking this morning I just kept telling myself to picture me running.  To imagine what it'll feel like.  Self-talk and visualization are what got me through today.  Very helpful tools that I'd never used in the past.

Ending & Beginning

What a terrible past few days!  I've failed myself and am not happy about it!  I know it's hormonal but that's really not an excuse.  I haven't worked out since my walk last Thursday.  And in turn it's effected my eating.  I've been stressing about a lot of different things and instead of dealing with it in a productive way I turned to food.  Which in turn makes me feel worse.
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It's been a "dark" few days.  Those with depression would understand.  It's frustrating when you have these feelings that you know are beyond your control and there's nothing you can do about it.  I want to "snap out of it" but I just can't!  I know it will eventually pass but that doesn't make it any less frustrating in the moment!
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My cousin and I did go and get pedicures on Saturday.  It was my very first one!  My feet are so ticklish that I wasn't sure if I could handle it!  :)  It was fun and did seem to lift the clouds for a little while!

Today I'm feeling like it's finally lifting so that's good.  I'm actually starting to look forward to my walk tomorrow which is a feeling I'm very glad to be having!

Tomorrow will be the beginning of Week 4.  So here's to ending a bad stretch and a new beginning!  I have one more week until I leave for vacation.  Then when I come back I can finally start my "official" C25K training!  Very excited about that!

I was looking for a picture to represent a new beginning and this one just made me happy!  How am I going to color my world?  It can be dark and gray or it can be bursting with color.  The choice it mine!
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I don't want to lose my momentum on vacation so I told my cousin that we ARE GOING TO BE ACTIVE!  We are not only going to find things to see, we are going to find things to DO!  She's been running every day and says she plans to keep doing it on vacation so we're on the same page ~ thank goodness! 
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Here's to not giving up.....

....because I'M WORTH IT!

Oh Deer...

I was feeling better this morning.  I think my mood and general funk these past few days are hormonal!  Oh the joys of being a woman!
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I still struggle between waking up and actually getting up.  And it baffles me because as I lay there I think about how great I feel when I'm walking and pushing myself!  And yet something still tries to hold me back.  I've never regretted getting up and moving.  I know that I feel an incredible rush when I get up and move.  So why oh why do I struggle so?
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I seem to have gotten shin splits.  I haven't have any pain before today.  So I'll ice them and see what happens come Saturday.  I can't let this de-rail me but I also don't want to make anything worse.
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It was quiet, quiet, quiet this morning.  Felt like I had the world to myself!  I did run into these two though:

Not sure who was more startled when I came around the corner and saw them!  It's kind of hard to tell in the picture how close they are but they were RIGHT THERE!
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Lots of rabbits out today but they don't let me get close enough to take a picture before they scamper off into the underbrush.
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I don't really have another topic to talk about today!  I'll be here tomorrow after my 10-Minute Trainer workout!

Struggling

I'm in a funky mood today.  I hate dwelling on the negative things but the truth is today I'm struggling with my attitude.  Last night I was again feeling so tired by 8 o'clock.  So I went to bed and still go woken up by the alarm buzzing at 5.  I've never been a long sleeper.  Getting 7 hours of sleep a night was what I considered a good night for me so this is feeling very foreign to me.
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I wasn't feeling like working out.  I had planned on adding the Ab training to my 10-Minute Trainer but was just dragging!  But like Mandy also says "just press play".  So I did.  I'm glad I did but I just couldn't wait for it to be over.  I was dragging through the exercises, thinking that I don't seem to be getting stronger - feels like I'm still at the same level I started at 2 weeks ago - which is a downer.
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All this after the great day I had yesterday is just depressing!  My attitude also affected my eating this morning.  It's crazy the way those two are so tied together!
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So what can I do about it?

1. Keep telling myself that this too shall pass
2. DO NOT let my own bad attitude de-rail my progress
3. Look forward to better days
4. Anticipate my morning walk, remembering the rush and the sense of accomplishment that I get from pushing up those hills
5. DO NOT sit and mope ~ keep busy!
6. Think about what is positive in my life - no matter how small or insignificant they may seem

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A dog that makes me laugh

New cyber friends who encourage me to keep on going

A creative mind

My job that is allowing me to go on a 2 week vacation

My general health

My cousins who make me laugh

My "other" family who encourages me in all I endeavor to do

The sunshine

The sense of community I get from my community

My friend Erin ~ who's a hugger

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Starting Week 3:

I killed it today!!  I'm flying so high right now I can hardly contain my excitement!  I woke up refreshed and ready to go.  Since today is the start of Week 3 for me I knew that I had to continue on the route that I'd walked on Saturday.  It's about 2x as long as the route that I started out on and has a LOT more hills!
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The first 3/4 of my walk was very solitary and it was really nice to just be with ME :)  I did however run across Thumper & Flower!  Haha!
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So as I hit the part of my route that is about 3 hills all in a row I was imagining what it is going to feel like when I'm running those same hills!
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It was hard going but I was going at a steady pace and I just kept pushing on!  I felt a little like the Little Engine That Could...but with a small difference:

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I was literally saying "I know I can! I know I can!" over and over to myself!  As I was pushing up the last big hill I came across about 6-7 runners coming the other way.  I just smiled and knew that soon I will be joining them! :)
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I do have a confession to make about yesterday.  I ended up not doing my resistance training.  "Life" got in the way!  This is why for me it's so important that I get my workouts done in the morning which I failed to do yesterday.  By the time I got home last night my body just felt exhausted which is unusual for me.  So I made a grilled chicken salad for dinner and went to bed.  I think it ended up being the right choice for THAT day but I will try to avoid that same thing happening in the future.  I refuse to dwell on it, especially since it'll only bring me down.  I can't go back and re-do yesterday but I can learn from it, make a new commitment today, and move forward!  So that's what I'm doing!

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One of my past posts was on my avoidance of numbers and how that works for me.  I've been thinking about that these past couple weeks and I realized that it was through that learning experience with the numbers, mainly Weight Watchers and their Points system, is what helped me figure out what works for me.  Even though I'm no longer following the WW plan I am so grateful for what it taught me.  It showed me correct portions ~ by using their points system I learned how to measure which is what I base my "eye-balling" method on now.  I learned how much I should be eating each day.  So without that experience I would probably be lost today and that makes me value the knowledge I received when I was on the plan.
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I still won't get on the scale.  I know what I weighed last time I went to the doctor.  At this point I have to admit I'm scared to weigh myself.  Because I know the evil power that thing has over me.  I don't have a specific number of pounds that I think I should have lost but what if I get on and see what it says and suddenly I don't think it's as much as it should be?  I know that something like that has a great potential to de-rail me.  I know I will weigh myself one day but for now I have to stay away.  I prefer to gauge my success by how I feel physically, mentally, and how my clothes fit.

One of those days..........

Saturday was just a completely awesome day!  Started off with my wonderful, long walk followed by a walk to the Farmer's Market:

Then lunch with my cousin, then another walk up to the park for street fair, then sitting at the pool dipping our feet in and just chatting.  Then off to a cooking class where we learned how to make stuffed green peppers.  They were so amazing!!  Stuffed with rice and veggies ~ yum!  Then topped the day off with a nice, cool, refreshing orange sorbet at The Chill Spot! :)

These aren't the ones we made but this is what they looked like.  Don't they look delicious?!
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Sunday was my rest day so I took it easy.  Cleaned house, got some things organized.  I think I may have had a touch of sun exhaustion from Saturday.  I'm not a napper but in the afternoon I couldn't even keep my eyes open so I did sneak in a little nap.
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And then comes today ~ blah!  I went to bed at my normal time last night but I didn't sleep very well.  Didn't beat the alarm, hit snooze a couple of time, then got up and realized I had a ton of fly bites all over and they itch something fierce!  So no 10-Minute Trainer this morning.  It just seems to be one of those days!  But I'm not going to let that slow me down!  I've vowed to myself to do my training after work even thought it'll be hot and stuffy!

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Goals:  Until now I've never understood the importance of having specific goals.  Sure I had goals but they were very vague, I never wrote them down, never considered how I could achieve them.  And as a result I never reached them!  Imagine that!* (note sarcasm!)
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Since pin-pointing my goal of running, writing it down, developing steps that will enable me to reach my goal, I have seen more daily successes!  I know that when I get up and walk in the morning or get up and do my resistance training that these things are steps on my way to fulfilling a life long dream!  It keeps me very focused on why I'm doing what I doing as I'm doing it!  Will this choice help or hinder my dream?

One great thing for me is that by having a goal that's not weight related it's turned my focus away from food.  When my vague goal was to lose weight (how much? how fast? by what means? - things that I never addressed) my focus was about food and was bordering on obsession.  And if you're a stress/emotional/boredom eater like me, it was like dangling alcohol in front of an alcohalic!  Now that my goal is RUNNING, my focus is on the proper way to train, the proper shoes, getting out and moving, building up my endurance, visualizing myself running.  Things that get me away from my food obsession!  Which in turn makes me eat better!  Which makes me feel better!  Which makes it a whole lot easier for me to make the choices that will help me reach my goal!
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Of course it's different for everyone and the key is finding what works for YOU!

Walking & Aliens

There's just something sexy about a man in leather chaps riding a horse........Oh wait, that doesn't have anything to do with running!  I broke my routine last night and went and saw Cowboys and Aliens with my cousin.  She had to work until 10 so we went to the late showing.  Way past what's become my normal bedtime but once in awhile is ok!  This is not my typical type of movie but I really enjoyed it!
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Even though I was up several hour later than normal I still woke up at my regular time.  Fortunately I was able to go back to sleep for a couple more hours.  So when I woke up again at 7 I was up and very looking forward to my walk.  So off I went!

I went a completely different route this morning.  We have a trail that borders a golf course on one side and is untamed on the other.  It was a far better path as far as views go!  There were some wildflower/flowering weeds along that way that were very pretty.

There were people out galore this morning.  Old people, young people, walkers, runners, bikers, people out running with their dogs!
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If I had to describe today's walk in a just a few words I'd have to say ~ WHAT A RUSH!! ~.  This was by far the best walk I've had so far.  And the funny thing is that it was also the hardest!  There's just something about pushing pushing pushing yourself past your normal comfort zone and knowing that you can do it!  That self-talk was very useful today.  I just kept telling myself that I could do this.  I left zero room in my head for negative thoughts!
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There were a lot more hills, it was about 2x as far and I just kept pushing myself!  I was past the main trial and there wasn't a sidewalk and all I could see ahead were 3 little hills that I knew I had to get past!  So I just viewed hills and walking on the gravel and dirt and ground cover was just a preparation for my hiking days to come! :)

I did have a little concern when I first started off because my foot was really bothering me.  I didn't know if it was one of those things that by straining it I'd make it worse or if it was just because I've started walking and soreness is to be expected.  I didn't want to use it as an excuse to keep me from my walk so I was just very careful and "listened" to my body.  And I'm so glad that I kept going because the pain did alleviate.  I'm still REALLY feeling it in my calves and in the backs of my thighs but oh what a feeling!
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Today is one of our City Days where vendors are all set up in the park and there's old cars and fun stuff so I'm planning to walk back to the park this afternoon and wander around there a bit.  In the past I would have driven even though it's close enough that the walk is very enjoyable!
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Tonight my cousin and I are taking an Italian cooking class.  Tonight's menu is Stuffed Peppers.  I'm hoping that they're stuffed with healthy things!  It's taught by a little Italian lady who is just a sweetheart so the classes are really fun!
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Now to get cleaned up and walk over to the Farmer's Market ~ I wonder what goodies I'll find today............ :)

10-Minute Trainer & Hiking!!

On the days that I do resistance training I'm using the 10-Minute Trainer and I love it!!  (If anyone decides to try it out, please get it through Beachbody Coach Mandy Horan!  She's great and will help you reach your goals!)  I like it because right now 10 minutes is all I can do!  It's a great workout and I know it's happy to be kicking my butt! ;)  And besides ~ who can't commit to just 10 minutes a day?  And before I know it, I'm positive that I'll be doing more than just the initial 10 minutes.  I'm doing it every other day, trading off with my walking sessions.
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Today was one of those days that I was just not getting that "10" that I like to get when I'm working out.  I didn't have any problems getting out of bed (yay!!) and once again I beat the alarm clock!  I was just not feeling it and on one hand was I kind of bummed that I didn't reach the level I wanted but on the other hand I'm so proud of myself for just pushing through it.  I didn't quit, I didn't give up.  We can't let days like these de-rail us!

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Let's talk about hiking!  I *LOVE*LOVE*LOVE hiking!

I've only been a few times in my life but oh what a feeling!  It's exhilerating and I can not wait to do more.  I love the hard work that comes before the payoff.  Whether it's a spectacular view or just that incredible feeling of accomplishment, it's so worth it.  No one in my family are hikers or outdoorsy unfortunately, so I didn't grow up getting to do this sort of thing.  I'm in the process of looking into some local hiking clubs but haven't found one yet that would be a fit for me - but I'll keep looking!!

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I bought a book that lists the best wildflower hikes in my state.  It tells you the best times to go, the times that the most wildflowers are in bloom.  Some are day hikes, some are overnight hikes.  As I mentioned yesterday about creating my "Fitness Bucket List", one of the items on the list is to eventually hike at least 50% of the hikes listed in my book!  I'm looking at starting that next spring!  Hopefully by then I'll have found a hiking buddy! :)

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I also have some other very exciting news!  One of the guys I work with goes hiking with his 4 boys and I mentioned that hiking is something I really want to do and he told me that the next time they go I'm definately invited!  Woo hoo!!  He has some property up by a lake that has some great trails & views.  Anyway I just kept on him about when we could go and today he said let's plan it for Labor Day weekend!  I cannot tell you how excited I am about this!  If you think you can guess how excited I am, take that and multiply it a million!!  (And with it a month away it gives me a few more weeks to build up my endurance!)

"Climbing is not a spectator sport." ~Mark Wellman

Walking & Sustainability

What a walk this morning!  I found myself just loving being out.  The air was cool & crisp and it felt great to be breathing in that fresh air.  Have I mentioned that I just love my community?  It's so walker/runner/biker friendly!  I passed a couple out running and was thrilled knowing that soon that will be me!  Eeeeee!! :)
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My route starts right out on a hill and today it seemed to be harder.  I was really struggling trying to keep up the same pace I've used on the previous days.  As I got to my original turn off I was so tempted to revert to my other, shorter route.  But I said "no, just push through it".  So I kept on the longer route and am so glad I did.  It's a great feeling of accomplishment to know I didn't give up just because it was hard!  I really think it's these little steps of perservereance that help me keep going.


One of the things I'm working on is remembering to hold onto those good feelings that come when I make the best choices.  Those days when I wake up and think I just want to stay in bed, I remember how I felt when I did get up and get moving vs. the disappointment I felt with myself when I did stay in bed.  There's that tiny moment between laying and standing that is the hardest for me!  Because once I'm up, I'm ready to go and won't get back into bed.  It's just the actual moving from laying to standing that is my hardest struggle.

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Today I've been thinking about the sustainability of the plan we choose for ourselves.  It's going to be different for each person and I think it's very important that we try different avenues and plans and be willing to just find those things that work for us and create our own custom plan.
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I've still got a lot to learn but here's a few things I've learned so far:
     -WHAT DOES WORK FOR ME:
          1.  Gradually change behaviors and habits:  I first changed my sleeping habits, then I started walking, then I started adding distance to my walk - that's where I am now.  And with the slower change over it feels more natural.
          2.  Slowly incorporate new healthy foods in as I slowly move unhealthy foods out so as to not feel deprived.  The minute you tell yourself you can't have something, it's the only thing you want!  I still have food in my house that probably shouldn't be there but over these past few weeks I've been bringing in more fruits and veggies in and I find myself reaching less and less for those unhealthy processed foods and more towards the good stuff.  I know it's there even if I'm not eating it so I don't feel deprived.  And if I do  choose to have it, I can have it in moderation to curb the craving.  Slow changes work best for me!
    -WHAT DOES NOT WORK FOR ME:
          1.  Completely changing everything from eating habits to exercise from one extreme to another all in one day.  In the past when I've started a new program I'd go in the clean out all the food that they said was bad, I'd jump right into a vigorous exercise routine that I'd do 5-6 days a week.  Well it wouldn't take long before I'd burn out.  It was such an abrupt change that I couldn't sustain it.  But by making one little change at a time (I typically do it for about a week before adding another change into the mix) it's a more natural progression into the person that I want to become.

I decided to add a "Fitness Bucket List" to the bottom of the blog.  I've listed a few things that I'm working towards.  As I think of new ones I will add them.  My one BIG one is to one day hike the Grand Canyon!

Resistance & Reaching Out

Today I beat the alarm clock again (yay!) and as I rolled out of bed I found that I was actually looking forward to doing my resistance training.  It's still a hard workout and it's still kicking my butt ~ but I wouldn't want it any other way.

Working out in the morning is the best time for me!  Mentally it's a great way to start the day.  It just seems to set the tone for the rest of the day.  It makes it easier to make better choices for the rest of the day when it's gotten off to a great start. And if you don't, you may feel like this:

....and who wants to start the day like that! :)
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For more practical reasons it gets it "out of the way".  I don't like looking at exercise that way but you know what I mean.  We may have all the best intentions to work out at a certain time of time, maybe it's even written in our calendar - but life happens!  Sometimes things beyond our control come up and put a kink in our plans.  Sometimes we can work around it, sometimes we can't.  So if it's been taken care of first thing, that's one less thing we have to deal with if life gets in the way!

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I want to talk about something that's really hard for me to talk about.  It's something I've felt for most of my life.  It's this idea that I swear some people have that "fat is contagious".  I've had this notion, whether real or imagined, that people don't like to touch fat people.  All my life I've made sure that I don't get too close to people for fear they'll be disgusted if they accidentally touch me.  I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this.  I never initiate touch because I've always been so sure that they're grossed out by me.  If you've never been on "this side" you probably don't know or understand what I mean.
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What brought this out more lately is when I started watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.  When I first saw trainer Chris Powell I was intimidated.  I made a snap judgement about what sort of guy he was based on how he looked.  Because guys that look like him certainly don't really care about "us".  Guys like him laugh at the fat people.  Guys like him steer clear of fat people so as to not ruin their own reputation.
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I couldn't have been more wrong!  Watching him interact with his clients it's very clear to anyone that he truly cares about them.  And what's more - he's always touching them in an encouraging way.  A comforting arm around them if they're struggling, a high five and a hug when they've killed a workout.  Just a touch on the arm in passing.  I love him for this!  It's taught me that not everyone thinks they'll "catch something" if they touch a fat person.  Now this may not sound like much but I've never had someone treat me like that.  If someone ever touched my arm it's my jerk reaction to move away because I'm just sure they didn't mean it.
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And now I have a friend that a hugger.  And after a year of always getting a hug from her whenever I see her, it still catches me off guard!  She just comes up to me, no hesitation, and gives me a big ol' hug!

So I don't know if it's all in my head or if there are people like that out there and I've just had the bad luck of running into them my whole life.  But I do know that in the past year since I've been working on coming out of my shell, trying to be more personable, trying to branch out, that I get more of a positive response from those around me, including the occasional hand on my arm ~ so maybe it's a little of both.
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Maybe I'm learning that I get back what I give out.  That by shying away from people, they tended to shy away from me and that by reaching out to others, they reach out to me.

Starting Week 2:

First let's catch up on yesterday.  I vowed to do my resistance training after work since I couldn't do it in the morning.  Working out after work is one of my least favorite times to do it.  However~ I walked in the door after work and I didn't pass go, didn't collect $200, didn't sort through my mail, ~ I went straight in my room and changed my clothes and WORKED OUT!  And as great as it felt physically to work out, the mental feeling is incredible!  I made a committment and I stuck to it.  I didn't make excuses.  I followed through because I'm learning that I'M WORTH IT!
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So this morning was the start of Week 2 in my journey and I beat the alarm clock!  Yay!  Only by 2 minutes but what a feeling!
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The biggest window of failure for me in the past has been those few minutes between knowing I need to get moving and actually moving.  Such a small window but such huge repercussions!  Those few minutes after waking up are when I struggle the most.  Which even to me sounds silly because from experience I know that I've never regretted getting up and moving and I love the feeling of being out and moving.  So why do I struggle so so much when I know those good feelings are awating me if I'd just get out of bed?!  So far I've been successful in not letting that evil little voice keep me down but I'm aware of it so I can always keep my guard up against it!
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Since I'm now in Week 2 and already was feeling like my walking routine was getting easier I knew it was time to add some distance.  I left Cowboy at home this morning ~ the wind was blowing something terrible and he's such a delicate little thing ;) and I know he hates the wind!

So it was just me and my tunes this morning.  As I was walking I had so many thoughts running around in my head about things I wanted to share.  I know I can't remember them all!  Hopefully they'll come back to me!
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I added some distance this morning and definately felt it.  I was really slowing down as I got back closer to home.  What an amazing feeling!  I could feel it in my legs, in the backs of my thighs where I've never felt it before.  When I get those feelings it just makes me want to dance! :)
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As much as I love walking with Cowboy I do notice that I keep a steadier pace when I'm by myself.  So that's a good and a bad thing.  Have to learn how to balance that out!
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It was very quiet out this morning.  Only saw 2 other people and just a couple of cars.  But instead of that being a lonely feeling, I used it as a time for just thinking, a time for reflecting, a time for planning, and a time to just jam to my tunes!

One of the people I saw was a lady running.  Now in the past I would have been jealous and thought that was unobtainable for me.  But this morning I saw it not only as a possibiliy but as a PROBABILITY!  I know that one day that will be me.  No more sitting on the sidelines watching life go by and wishing I was in it.  Now I'm up and right in the middle of it! 
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Watching the Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition season finale was so inspiring!  I saw Krista, at around 300 pounds RUNNING a 1/2 marathon and I realized: I HAVE NO MORE EXCUSES!  She's out there running ~ doing something that I just crave to do so bad and it spurred me on!

So as a result of that I know I've got to set another plan in motion.  (Tweaking & adjusting: isn't that what life is all about?)  In the middle of August my cousin and I are going on a 2+ week road trip (sooo excited but that's a whole other post!).  So the plan I'm setting up for myself is this:  I will continue my walking, increasing the distance & inclines steadily until our trip in 3 weeks.  Then when I'm back home I WILL start RUNNING!  Whether it's for 30 seconds or for a mile at first doesn't matter as long as I'm committed to giving it all I've got!.  I've been researching different C25K programs and apps and I think I've found one that I like.  That WILL start August 31st!  I'm so excited just talking about it!!
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Funny story:  On Sunday my sister, who has never been a runner nor expressed any desire to do so, officially announced that she's training with my sister-in-law for a 5K in November.  As I was a week into my transition already I couldn't help but laugh (in a good way of course!)  What is my family becoming?  :)  So now my quandry is this: do I tell my family my plan?  So far I haven't mentioned it to anyone outside of Facebook what I am doing.  On one hand the support would (hopefully!) be great, but on the other hand I'd love to be able to surprise them by telling them at the last minute that I'm going to run it too.  I can just imagine the look on their faces!
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(I have to admit that there are some underlying issues with me and my family that I don't want to go into right now and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of the reason for NOT telling them ahead of time.)  What to do... What to do...
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I've discovered something about myself:  I get so much more from being successful in being true to my commitment to myself than I ever did from seeing a lower number on the scale.  Don't get me wrong, anytime I lost weight in the past I felt great and it does feel good seeing that lower number.  But the rush & high that comes from doing something that is not only good for my body but also something that is bringing me that much closer to fulfilling my dream is priceless!
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"Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties;

passing from one step of success to another,

forming new wishes,

and seeing them gratified.

He that labors in any great or laudable undertaking

has his fatigues first supported by hope,

and afterwards rewarded by joy"

-Samuel Johnson

The weekend...

It's very important for me to keep my schedule on the weekends.  So Saturday I was up and Cowboy and I went for our walk.  He loves getting outside and I know that the exercise is very important for him too so that's another reason for me to get up and go!  There were quite a few dog walkers out which is nice to see!.
Cowboy cracks me up.  He has a little skip when he walks.  It's hereditary ~ both his dad & grandpa had the same thing.  It's kind of hard to tell from this video since it's a bit shaky but if you pay close attention you can see what I mean:

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After our walk we went home and prepared to go to the farmer's market.  Oh how I just ~LOVE~ the farmer's market!  So many yummy, colorful, bright, & cheery things to see!  So Cowboy and I set off again and took another nice walk to the market.  Check out my haul:

Cherries, berries, lettuce, potatoes, a purple bell pepper (never seen such a thing so decided to try it!), basil that smells absolutely amazing, perfect jam, and a red onion jam!
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In just a short week I'm finding that it's easier for me to walk ~ time to add some distance! ~ and when I get back home I can climb the stairs to my second story condo a lot easier! :)  This is such a great feeling!  It makes me KNOW that it's working!  That I'm that much closer to my goal!
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Sunday was a rest day.  I'm feeling like a tweaked my knee on Saturday so I didn't want to stress it more.  So in the afternoon Cowboy and I just went for a leisurely stroll through my city's new arboretum.  It was nice to just be out in the sunshine for a little while! :)  Maybe it sounds silly but I get motivation from Cowboy just running & frolicking & darting from tree to tree, plant to plant!  He's so curious and enthusiastic!  One of these days he'll have his match in energy!  Haha! ;)
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Sunday evening I was at my friends house with their kids until they got home which was supposed to be about 10:30 pm.  A little later then my normal bedtime but I was helping them out.  But due to an accident on the highway, what should have been a 6 hour drive for them turned into a 9 hour drive - meaning I didn't get home until 1:30am!!  Nothing like that to upset the balance!  So I didn't get my resistance training in this morning.  Not to be a wasted day ~ I will be doing it after work!  It'll be hot and probably the last thing I'll feel like doing after work but I know that it's being diligent & committed that will make my goal a reality!